I was listening to Utopia by Serena Ryder, which I haven’t listened to much since it was new but guess what it’s still great. There were just two ~LOVE~ songs from the album that I’ve listened to a lot LIKE A LOVESICK FOOL. But I was listening to the lyrics of ‘Ice Age’ about being a glacier that (you) melted. And I thought oh I wish I had this song at the beginning of my relationship because it was an ongoing joke about me being an ice queen and he would have his work cut out for him getting through the protective ice around my heart and then the melting metaphor… okay, it was just like an ongoing jokey reference, not like a poetic metaphor that we got really into. ANYWAY, my next thought was oh well, next time. But then I was like wait no. That metaphor is no longer applicable, actually. I am no longer an ice queen who needs someone to melt her. And not because of him. (Because of him I put the metaphorical walls back around my heart.) I don’t need anyone to melt my icy heart because *I* have decided to keep my heart warm and open.
Ew. Gooey metaphors. Yuck.
Anyway, I’m still very picky and take my time getting close to people but my heart is OPEN FOR BUSINESS. So… I’ll just sit here and wait for someone to love/to love me, I guess…
But also sometimes I’m like… If I like someone… I, like, don’t want to pursue it because I don’t think I’m good enough? I dunno where this is coming from, since I’m usually quite confident that everyone should love me, but… Like, I shouldn’t pursue this person, aka try to convince them I’m worth dating, because even if I get them, they will just be disappointed because I will not be what they want… I dunno if that’s almost a cute “wow you must reallllly like this person if you’re so worried about it” or just a sad “where has your self-esteem gone, gurl?”
UGH! I sound so sad! I’m not! Maybe I am! It’s just this time of year! Christmas makes me want to feel romantic, but I have no one and the cold dreary weather makes me depressed. FAST FORWARD TO SPRING PUH-LEEZ!
Maybe someday…
See you next Tuesday, lovesick fools.