I’ve been working on the first (of this decade) Tuesdays with Tish video. (The last Tuesday of every month! Aren’t you excited?!) It’s weird talking to a camera after so long. Like, I literally don’t know how to speak loud enough and I have to edit out all my mid-sentence pauses because it’s like I’m at a loss because my brain is not used to thinking and talking at the same time, so it needs a break to regroup. But that’s easier to edit out than if I were one of those people who says “um” between every other word.
So, after a few years of not often seeing myself on video, I’m back to editing footage of myself with no makeup and unflattering angles. I don’t like it but if I really cared, then I would put on a full face of makeup to film every little part of the video and make sure I always was holding the camera at a good angle. While I don’t love how I look in those situations, I’ve been putting myself on camera, on the internet, for so long, with so many different looks, that it’s just too much effort to care about a double chin. So, it balances out. Over my internet time, and like this one video balances it out. I’m shooting some “segments” (ya, this video got way more complex than just sitting and talking to camera real fast) without makeup, but I’ll film the main part with full makeup and outfit and good lighting and angle.
And that’s part of what has drawn me back to making videos. Since working from home (for the past ten months, you know why, I hate to say it, it’s just so redundant, like we all know) I have been taking way less selfies, both quickies with my camera on days I feel cute and also setting up a photoshoot with the whole makeup, outfit, lighting thing. And I like taking selfies! Or, rather, I like seeing selfies. I look good! I like looking in the mirror or a camera and liking what I see. (It’s not the most important thing to me. I don’t sacrifice anything for it. So, no, I’m not conceited and shallow.) But at the end of last year, I buzzed my hair and stopped liking how I look, no matter how I did my makeup or what I wore. It took awhile for the hair to grow into some style I didn’t hate. So, the culmination of not regularly getting dressed for work, not taking selfies for a while because my hair looked bad, and rarely having spoken conversations with people, has me ready to get dolled up for a camera and speak aloud to someone/thing.
Not sure how I feel about being back on YouTube again. Like, am I trying to be a “YouTuber”? Will I keep it up (it’s a lot more work than just writing blog posts, guys) even when I get no views or interaction, like I always have on YouTube. I started this YouTube channel in 2006! I am OG! Not popular OG. Like, in 15 years of sporadic uploads I’ve only accumulated 1,800 subscribers. But do I care about that? I guess we’ll find out. I don’t plan on creating anything just “for views” but I am aware that I am making content for an audience. (People who say they don’t care about views are full of shit- if you didn’t care, you’d make it and never put it on the internet! It’s okay to admit you make it for a potential audience! That you like attention! That you are reaching out for connection!) So, I hope you find it entertaining. And don’t forget to subscribe! And hit that notification bell! (Kill me if I ever say that shit at the end of a video.)
See you next Tuesday, on the YouTubes!
Me, trying to fit in with the new generation of YouTubers.
Sharing is Caring: I watched a whole 2 hours and 33 minutes of Jenny Nicholson explaining everything I never wanted to know about The Vampire Diaries and I have no regrets. Then I watched a bunch of her other videos that I had skipped over the years because I wasn’t interested in the subject, but damn, she creates compelling, surprisingly investigative video essays about anything.