My constant checking of social media feeds was like a compulsion I knew was bad but couldn't make myself stop. What was I in need of that I thought I'd find inside Twitter and Instagram apps? Connection. But I wasn't getting it, so I had to keep going back, like re-opening your fridge when you're hungry expecting food to have appeared in there while it was closed.
Twitter was taking over my brain. Thoughts that ran through my head went through a tweet filter to turn them into the currently popular Twitter joke format or just the classic sarcastic, self-deprecating voice of a generation. And what did I get out of crafting a real human thought or experience into a 280-characters-or-less quip? Nothing. No one follows me, retweets, or likes me. To whom was I talking? Why am I even on Twitter? What would I miss if I weren't?
Instagram feels like it provides connection with friends, but it's really an illusion. I know what my friends did last weekend, but haven't talked to them in months. Posting is a one-sided communication. Why am I posting a selfie for just my friends to see? I wouldn't text a friend a selfie to let them know what I look like today. Seeing what my friends did over the weekend makes me feel left out of things I have no right to feel excluded from. I know my friends have lives without me, but somehow watching it via Instastories incites jealousy in a way that hearing about it from them later wouldn't.
It's all very passive. Putting out thoughts and pieces of your life for friends, and potentially anyone, to see but never knowing exactly who saw what or what they thought about it. When you share with a friend, it's part of creating a connection and intimacy with them. You get a response from them, and they share in return. Social media feels like an attempt to connect with anyone, or everyone, but in that way intimacy cannot exist, and so it all feels empty and futile. It's unrequited intimacy. And it feels a little gross.
After a month of thinking about how empty social media makes me feel and pondering how or what changes I need to make about it, one of my favourite writers, Alexandra Franzen, offered a free class on Social Media; her personal story of giving it up five years ago, how she runs her business without it, and how quitting or cutting back could affect your life. I watched the video recording and was motivated to 'Marie Kondo' my social media feeds and usage. I didn't want to abandon the platforms for good, as I can and do use them to connect, but I knew I needed to change my relationship with them; the constant urge to check, the tweet filter on my thoughts, the validation I seek from selfies.
The life-changing magic of tidying up your timelines. I scrolled down my Twitter timeline and stopped at any tweet that I would have just scrolled past, uninterested. I looked at their profile and saw how many of their recent tweets I'd enjoyed seeing. I unfollowed a lot of accounts that weren't bringing me joy. On Instagram, I unfollowed any account that wasn't an actual friend. I decided to leave both public, under the guise that I need to keep public because I am an ~Internet Content Creator~ that needs to promote my work on social media.
I gave myself some social media detox guidelines. Stop thinking in tweets, and stop tweeting every thought. Only check social media apps once a day, when I get home from work. That was all I needed, and I adjusted fairly quickly. I started picking up my phone to text a friend instead of to open a social app. I talked about my social media usage with a friend and proudly told her when I made it through my first day without checking- accountability helps!
After a month of limiting social media, I feel much better about my relationship to it. I have, ironically, been thinking about social media more than ever this past month, but that’s because I’ve been keeping conscious of my usage instead of mindlessly using. I give into the checking impulse and get lost in endless scrolling more so on weekends when I’m not keeping busy, but I try to stop myself and take it as a sign that I need to find something to do!
I will never be rid of social media completely from my life, even if I did choose so personally, as I manage social media as part of my job. It feels completely different when it’s for work because it’s part of a whole marketing campaign. And while I try to stay away from social media more and more for myself, I want to increase my social media usage for the Rated F accounts. Promotion on social media can also feel like that one-sided false intimacy but that’s what marketing is. And occasionally, some real connections are made.
Taking a social media audit for myself has led to some changes in thoughts and behaviour with social media. It’s not going to work for me to get off it completely. My goal is intentional, controlled, purposeful usage; for me personally and my professional accounts. The idea of disconnecting completely will always appeal to me. I sometimes wonder about people not on social media; what they do with their time, how they share with friends, do they ever take photos and if so, what do they do with them?
Balance is an illusion; you’ll never be able to do everything the right way and at the right time. Taking stock of my social media usage and cutting back has freed up time to focus on the other things I’d rather spend my time on, so I at least feel like I’m attempting to balance things I want. Who wants to struggle to balance things you don’t even want in your life?
This piece is part of my January newsletter. The newsletter has plenty more from me, like how I really feel about my buzz cut, and tips to help you cut back your social media use. You can read the full newsletter, and then subscribe to get it in your inbox every month, here.
