I know my love of Christmastime romance is real and everlasting because since I started getting really into Christmas shit when I was around 20 (when I bought myself a little tree), I have always been single at Christmas (and year round) and still love singing along to Christmas love songs and watching the romantic Christmas movies. And two years ago when the person I wanted to spend romantic Christmastime with wasn’t able to be here, I still enjoyed my Christmas romantic movies and songs. And last year, I was in heartbreak depression but I still twirled around my apartment belting out Christmas love songs to myself. And this year… Back to normal; single but romantic af.
This year it’s the family movies that are really getting to me. Well, I love them every year. But, damn. I watch The Family Stone every year and I think every year I realize I am more and more like Meredith. She retreats into herself and her perfectionist habits when faced with an uncomfortable situation. She gets upset when the person who she thought understood her (and I feel like she rarely feels seen and understood) is treating her differently. “I am not a ridiculous person, Everett. I can see you starting to look at me like they do.” She wants to just be herself, but this family is making her feel like an unwelcome outsider.
I just watched Love the Coopers for the first time. One character literally just says “I feel like I’m unlovable,” so, weep. Everyone in that movie is feeling like they don’t measure up in some way; compared to a sibling, a spouse, an ex-spouse, society, the girl they have a crush on, parents. It ends with the whole big family happily dancing around after fixing all their problems with each other. Unrealistic, of course, but damn if I don’t fucking love that happy family shit.
Even the Hallmark-type romantic Christmas movies are getting to me. No, I’m not sitting at home disappointed that I haven’t met a man and within a week fallen in love and been proposed to… Just a little annoyed at how easy it makes it look. I meet people all the time. They are very rarely a beautiful person around my age that I might even crush on, let alone get along with. In the slightly less ridiculous Love the Coopers, she meets a guy at an airport bar and they have a delightful day in the airport and I’m like- what?! Hitting it off with someone like that?! Does that ever happen?! Pretty much everyone I know is partnered up and I’m just like- HOW? How does this happen?! You meet someone and you like them and you actually express to that person that you like them and then they like you back and you start dating and then you’re in love and blah blah blah WHAT?! I’m very suspicious… I must be missing something…
So, I’m alone at Christmastime and I guess, though I hate to admit it, it’s actually bothering me this year??? Ugh. Hate it. Hate not getting what I want. But also, like, why let it bother me when I’ve got Christmas Game Night with friends this week, annual Nutcracker and hot chocolate day with Juliana this weekend, and other festive plans with friends. I have soo many friends, guys, like whatever, who needs a relationship? Romance is better in the movies, anyway.
Me watching people fall in love like that is a thing that is even possible.
See you next Tuesday, Christmas elves.