Travel has always been in that Someday life I imagine for myself. I always thought I want it to be a part of my life and hopefully my career. Well, Someday catches up to you pretty fast and you realize you’re about to be 30 and you’ve passed by all your twenties’ Somedays and Hello, life is what it is and not what you thought it would be at 30 when you were 16 but also when you were 16 you never really imagined life past 30.
In my imagining of travel, I wasn’t really aware of how I was always imagining traveling with someone; that seemed like a given, I guess. Who wants to travel alone? It’s lonely, it’s not safe, it’s not as fun. I was combining two Somedays actually; travel and a significant relationship. I thought I’d have a significant other to travel with whether that was a romantic partner or a BFF. I do have a BFF that is a great travel companion but her life circumstances are not mine, so saying “Sure, I’ll go to PEI with you for a week, what else have I got to do?!” is not a response she, or most people who have to work for their money, can give.
So, because my travel Someday was tied to partner Someday I kept waiting for Someday. But it didn’t come in my twenties. I thought it had for a minute there but ya live and learn. So I’m finally old enough to look at my life and stop waiting for Someday for stuff and say- Hey, you’re almost 30. Do you want to do this or not because guess what if you wait for perfect circumstances to do something in life you’ll wait forever because it’s never the right time to do anything! Also accept that you may be single throughout your thirties as well so plan for that life, not the one you thought you’d have.
I finally said- I either go alone or I don’t go at all. So, I went alone. I planned it, I booked it, I did it. My planning was great- spending a few days in an Airbnb in downtown Victoria, so I could walk around and see the ocean and parks and gardens and museums, before renting a car (I don’t drive much, so I was anxious- but I did fine!) to get to a cottage on the ocean for a couple days. I saw and did everything I wanted to and then I sat in a little cottage and stared at the ocean for two days in the rain. Perfect!
I was worried that I’d end up actually being sad and lonely walking around there by myself but I wasn’t at all. (Okay, a little lonely when I was in the cottage with nothing to do for two full days.) I did get to spend some time with an old friend, so I wasn’t totally on my own at first. And then, walking around looking at stuff, turns out you do not need companionship to enjoy that! If anything, it’s a little better because you get to decide every little step of the way exactly what you want to do. I stopped to walk around a little garden on my way somewhere because it looked pretty. I chose which fork in the path to take around the parks and gardens. I stopped to get video of every jellyfish I saw along the breakwater because I love jellies! And even going out to eat alone is not a big deal- just bring a book to read while you wait!
I didn’t have a big I’m turning 30. I’m single. I’m alone on vacation. What am I doing with my life? I am woman, hear me roar revelation while I was there. I just enjoyed myself! I did gain some confidence, conquer some anxieties, as I always do when I do something new. I feel anxious but then I do it anyway (because everything is booked and paid for!) and as soon as I’m doing it, it’s suddenly not a big deal and I mentally give myself a gold star for doing something new! Now, I’m so pumped on the thrill of taking control of my life and going places that I’m already planning my trips for the next couple years. Guess what- no plans for anyone to join me.
I’m accepting my life of solo travel. And in general, my solo life. I’m also letting myself imagine living somewhere other than Ottawa which used to feel impossible because how could I leave my friends but my friends have their own lives that will probably stay here but I have my own life that may take me to other places. I’ve stopped waiting for my life to start after I’ve found a partner and started to make new life plans that don’t require a travel companion or a double income household. And you know what- it does make me sad but also makes me proud of myself taking charge of my life and anxiety and doing what I want, not letting anything stand between me and what I want to do in life. I’ll always think things are better with a partner (broadest sense including friends) but I’m learning to be okay with or even look forward to the things in life I will do in my own. Because that’s my life. I’m on my own.
I’ve got my life to love and I’m here to take what’s mine.
Don’t you know happiness is not a place? It’s the road you take and who you choose to walk it with.
Sharing is Caring: As I walked around lovely Victoria, I listened to playlists based around The Sweeplings and The Wind and the Wave. Mostly mellow, sometimes upbeat, sometimes melancholy. Perfect for wandering around by yourself on cloudy days. (Both the quotes I used are from songs from those playlists.)
See you next Tuesday, wanderers!