I found myself feeling jealous of things other people were doing.
There’s a reason they say stuff like jealousy is ugly, green with envy, it’s not a good look. It’s you looking at something outside of yourself and saying “There. That is the problem.” when really the issue is very much inside you and you are pointing outward to avoid looking inward. Because if you looked inward, you would be faced with a lot of work to do, and that is scary and overwhelming, so better to just blame anything but yourself.
I say that you have no right to complain about something you’re not willing to do anything to change. So, you have no right to be jealous of someone doing something, or reaping the benefits/rewards/successes from doing something, that you could have done but did not choose to do. You don’t get to be jealous of someone getting a job that you didn’t even apply for. You don’t get to be jealous of someone traveling when you have chosen to spend your money on everything but saving up for travel. And being jealous of stuff that is pure dumb luck, like someone reaping the benefits of their race/class/gender privilege, or finding a romantic partner, or literally winning the lottery, is just as useless and your inner issue is maybe that you don’t want to have to actually put in the work to get things; you want an easy way out, too.
That’s why jealousy is so ugly and really feels like a monster in your gut. You’re ignoring your stuff, looking at others’, and the stuff inside is growing into a monster. If you could really assess your jealousy (which I am trying to do as I write this, I guess) then you’d start with- what do they have that I want? Then, you’d have to figure out why you want it, what is it really that you want? Do you literally want that person’s job? Or do you want your own version of recognition and success? Now we’re getting into it. If you can identify what it is that you really want (lol, if you can, people work on this their whole lives) then you have to confront yourself and ask why you don’t have it. Why haven’t I been doing what I need to do to get that thing? And that boils down to some damn bullshit.
Identifying your bullshit won’t get rid of it, and working through it to do that stuff you need to do to get that thing you’re jealous of won’t guarantee you that thing. Oh, it’s becoming a cycle now. “Why bother breaking up with my bullshit, if I can do the work and still not get what I want? Might as well stay down here in my bullshit.” You’re probably not clear enough on what you want, then. It’s never really about that job, that award, that person, that house, that life. It’s something that that job represents. Find your own job! You can do that, once you clear out some bullshit!
Wow, this started about jealousy, but it’s just turned into more Break Up with Your Bullshit gospel.
So, instead of just pouting about “She’s doing what I want to do.” “They have this thing I want.” “Why did he get that opportunity and I didn’t?” I am trying to assess what it is that I am jealous of, and look inwards to see why I don’t have that thing, and see if I am willing to put in the work to get there. You know, sometimes your instinct is jealousy, but when you dig in, you realize that, no, you don’t actually want that thing enough to put in the hard work, so, there’s really no need to be jealous because it’s not something you want (enough to work to get it). So just be happy for other people doing their things and reaping the rewards of their hard work. Good for them. I’m working on my own stuff. (And someday, someone will see what I’m doing and be jealous of me!)
I’m not even jealous that Twyla won the lottery. (Because she still works at Café Tropical.)
Sharing is Caring: I watched Over the Moon this weekend because I wanted something soft and gentle, like an animated kids movie, and it was super cute and fun, and my favourite part is the BUN. But I also love to see a girl interested in STEM, love mythology, love the music, just lovely.